1.01 UCB (Colston, Witten, and Thomas)
Peterson
Are you kidding me? Have you read some of that stuff about Forte lately?
1.02 D&D (Brees, Cotchery, and Hixon)
Fitzgerald
Uh huh..Conley’s reading it, too! Go figure…
1.03 100% Juice (Gore, Bryant, and Royal)
Forte
Welcome aboard, Matthew…the Juice squad loves fulltime backs regardless what the press says!
1.04 The Legend (Johnson, Bowe, and Hester)
Calvin Johnson
Who else do you think Fred would pick here…really..who else? Yup.
1.05 Flava (Williams, Benson, and McClain)
Andre Johnson
Stud WR who shares targets with Kevin Walters – book him and his gimpy knee!
1.06 Brain (Grant, Branch, and Austin)
Steven Jackson
“Can you believe SJax is still in the board? He’s exactly like Marshall Faulk only significantly taller, heavier, stronger, and slower and with a weaker offense!”
1.07 PE (Clark, Slaton, and Evans)
Randy Moss
After a 1 year hiatus, Randy comes back home with one less ring than Peyton and Dallas…
1.08 DNice (Welker, Manning, and Ward)
Tomlinson
Always one to gamble, unfortunately for you, the first round will cost ya!
1.09 SchoolGirls (Warner, White, and Turner)
Steve Smith
Somebody better get this guy some anger management training because last time I checked, the Panthers just re-upped with a has-been QB behind a shallow O-line…Don’t take off your helmets, boys!
1.10 Ninja Mafia (MJD, Rivers, and Marshall)
Reggie Wayne
Everybody wants him until you’ve had him…some of us take longer to learn the lesson!
2.01 Ninja Mafia - Portis
Single-handedly made your team viable for the first half of the year with the exception of the 4 tuddy outburst by The Burner. You’re too smart to hold him too long in 09, aren’t you? History suggests you’re too proud to move him when he’s hot…good for the rest of the league! Better hope for points in buckets coming from FedEX Field b/c Baby TO won’t be playing until October at the earliest…
2.02 SchoolGirls - Westbrook
No sure you like this but how can you not take him here? Uhhhh how about the fact that he turns the dreaded 30 in September!
2.03 DNice - Barber
You love you some Barber but I’m sorry to say, he’s due for a crewcut given by one Felix Jones!
2.04 PE - Thomas Brady
Conventional yet unconventional from Big Dan – grab the cornerstone early but slam the door on Peyton’s 3-peat! Interesting considering how knee injuries seem to adversely impact EVERY QB within years 1 and 2…
2.05 Brain – Boldin
If he’s in B-more, Conley has him in the 2 spot…but it’s more likely Q will continue to be underpaid and play second fiddle to Fitz. If your lucky, nobody will shake their Breasts-in his face…
2.06 Flava – TO
Oh – something tells me you’re going to hate this pick!
2.07 Legend – Moreno
I think it’s time for an intervention, boys…
2.08 Juice – Roy Williams
Great pick – classic 2nd rounder out of the Juice camp! Virtual lock…
2.09 D&D – Greg Jennings
Who woulda thought…
2.10 UCB – Brandon Jacobs
The man-child minus the threatening back-up!
3.01 UCB – Vincent Jackson
I like what I’m seeing in SD and understand that Gates is not the target he used to be – book ‘em!
3.02 D&D – Braylon
Man it stinks to have to do this…
3.03 Juice – Bush
We all forget how incredible he was last September…will more time around the facility in the off-season stretch it into October?
3.04 Legend – KEEPER PICK Chris Johnson
Ouch! Great player but can you really afford this? Call me!
3.05 Flava – Peyton Manning
You have always loved the Colts so why not draft Peyton despite losing his offensive coordinator, line coach, and Marvin Harrison?
3.06 Brain – Tony G.
A year too late but you always are so what’s the big deal?
3.07 PE – TJ Houshmizilly
Smart pick or reminiscent of Ocho in 2008? My money is on a justifiable slide with a gimpy QB in his mid-30s with no running game…
3.08 DNice – McFadden
You’re so predictable early but much less as the beers and cigarettes start flowing…we’re 35 minutes in so why not?
3.09 SchoolGirls – Santonio Holmes
Don’t believe the post-Super Bowl hype…just ask Deion Branch owners!
3.10 Ninja Mafia – Gates
Gotta have a #1 since the Heath Miller reach!
4.01 Ninja Mafia – Kevin Smith
Tremendous value if you like an RB who will NEVER get a single kicker…
4.02 SchoolGirls – DeSean Jackson
Nothing like reaching for the most overrated, 2 TD-man from 2008…yes, you read that right – Look it up!
4.03 DNice – Hines Ward
Poor mans Coles…not lovin’ the declining trend though.
4.04 PE – Joseph Addai
The only reason I had him fall to you is so nobody let’s this actually happen!
4.05 Brain – Bernard Berrian
You and the rest of ChiTown will fall for all the great press about MidWest talents while forgetting about some guy named Tavares…oughta trade this pick before draft night!
4.06 Flava – Cooley
Ah yes…Reggie Wayne’s brother from another mother…
4.07 Legend – Marshawn Lynch
You love taking guys on suspension earlier than anyone else…it’s like you don’t read a thing sometimes! Oh well, something tells me that a significantly heavier Lynch will not be a good thing for the already suspect speed…Better get Fred Jackson quick!
4.08 Juice – McNabb
Take me to the promise land, DMac! You love that offense but can’t trust BWB to get the percentage he’s used to so you go for the NFC East’s version of Drew Brees!
4.09 D&D – Winslow
Come to papa, K2! Please leave the motorcycle in the garage and try to develop some rapport with Byron Leftwich… Oh God, he’s really the starting QB? The odyssey continues in 09…
4.10 UCB – Ronnie Brown
Always been partial to dogs but I love Wildcats! Feels like a sell-high candidate week 4…
5.01 UCB – Beanie Wells
Since I’m letting go of Hightower a bit earlier than I let go of Cedric Benson – I decide to get a piece of that Cardinal offense in the form of a 235 lb. bruiser who possesses speed last seen in the shadow of Citizen’s Bank Park!
5.02 D&D – LJ
Stupid pick but your lookin’ for Jamal in the 5th production from ’07…keep looking!
5.03 Juice – Ocho Cinco
2009’s version of 2008’s Braylon.
5.04 Legend – Aaron Rogers
You oughta change your logo to the KoolAid pitcher because you can’t get enough! Obviously Moreno was a reach in round two but lucky for you – this season’s “It” QBs are bound to be here in this spot – Schaub or Rogers? You pick Rogers cause Juice had him last year and you always aspire…
5.05 Flava – Santana Moss
Why not? You love Jason Campbell, Colley, and the rest of those underperforming Skins! Welcome aboard to the stud wideout one week – benchwarmer the next 3! Just like Kevin Walters!!!
5.06 Brain – Anthony Gonzalez
Great pick but I have a sneaky suspicion positive press will drastically change this spot…
5.07 PE – Thomas Jones
Typical mid-round, aging RB pick with limited downside and tons of upside…think Jamal Lewis two years ago - classic!
5.08 DNice – Teddy Ginn
What better guy to grab than one of Chad Pennington’s targets? Unless it’s the other Chad…
5.09 SchoolGirls – Julius Jones
Opportunity “knocks” once again and like everytime before, JJ is sure to grind out 850 yards with 3 tuddies. Better “deadbolt” it next season, Drury!
5.10 Ninja Mafia – Coles
Too smart to pass up the value with Carson another year removed from injury and 85/Henry continuing their on again/off again performances…
Peterson
Are you kidding me? Have you read some of that stuff about Forte lately?
1.02 D&D (Brees, Cotchery, and Hixon)
Fitzgerald
Uh huh..Conley’s reading it, too! Go figure…
1.03 100% Juice (Gore, Bryant, and Royal)
Forte
Welcome aboard, Matthew…the Juice squad loves fulltime backs regardless what the press says!
1.04 The Legend (Johnson, Bowe, and Hester)
Calvin Johnson
Who else do you think Fred would pick here…really..who else? Yup.
1.05 Flava (Williams, Benson, and McClain)
Andre Johnson
Stud WR who shares targets with Kevin Walters – book him and his gimpy knee!
1.06 Brain (Grant, Branch, and Austin)
Steven Jackson
“Can you believe SJax is still in the board? He’s exactly like Marshall Faulk only significantly taller, heavier, stronger, and slower and with a weaker offense!”
1.07 PE (Clark, Slaton, and Evans)
Randy Moss
After a 1 year hiatus, Randy comes back home with one less ring than Peyton and Dallas…
1.08 DNice (Welker, Manning, and Ward)
Tomlinson
Always one to gamble, unfortunately for you, the first round will cost ya!
1.09 SchoolGirls (Warner, White, and Turner)
Steve Smith
Somebody better get this guy some anger management training because last time I checked, the Panthers just re-upped with a has-been QB behind a shallow O-line…Don’t take off your helmets, boys!
1.10 Ninja Mafia (MJD, Rivers, and Marshall)
Reggie Wayne
Everybody wants him until you’ve had him…some of us take longer to learn the lesson!
2.01 Ninja Mafia - Portis
Single-handedly made your team viable for the first half of the year with the exception of the 4 tuddy outburst by The Burner. You’re too smart to hold him too long in 09, aren’t you? History suggests you’re too proud to move him when he’s hot…good for the rest of the league! Better hope for points in buckets coming from FedEX Field b/c Baby TO won’t be playing until October at the earliest…
2.02 SchoolGirls - Westbrook
No sure you like this but how can you not take him here? Uhhhh how about the fact that he turns the dreaded 30 in September!
2.03 DNice - Barber
You love you some Barber but I’m sorry to say, he’s due for a crewcut given by one Felix Jones!
2.04 PE - Thomas Brady
Conventional yet unconventional from Big Dan – grab the cornerstone early but slam the door on Peyton’s 3-peat! Interesting considering how knee injuries seem to adversely impact EVERY QB within years 1 and 2…
2.05 Brain – Boldin
If he’s in B-more, Conley has him in the 2 spot…but it’s more likely Q will continue to be underpaid and play second fiddle to Fitz. If your lucky, nobody will shake their Breasts-in his face…
2.06 Flava – TO
Oh – something tells me you’re going to hate this pick!
2.07 Legend – Moreno
I think it’s time for an intervention, boys…
2.08 Juice – Roy Williams
Great pick – classic 2nd rounder out of the Juice camp! Virtual lock…
2.09 D&D – Greg Jennings
Who woulda thought…
2.10 UCB – Brandon Jacobs
The man-child minus the threatening back-up!
3.01 UCB – Vincent Jackson
I like what I’m seeing in SD and understand that Gates is not the target he used to be – book ‘em!
3.02 D&D – Braylon
Man it stinks to have to do this…
3.03 Juice – Bush
We all forget how incredible he was last September…will more time around the facility in the off-season stretch it into October?
3.04 Legend – KEEPER PICK Chris Johnson
Ouch! Great player but can you really afford this? Call me!
3.05 Flava – Peyton Manning
You have always loved the Colts so why not draft Peyton despite losing his offensive coordinator, line coach, and Marvin Harrison?
3.06 Brain – Tony G.
A year too late but you always are so what’s the big deal?
3.07 PE – TJ Houshmizilly
Smart pick or reminiscent of Ocho in 2008? My money is on a justifiable slide with a gimpy QB in his mid-30s with no running game…
3.08 DNice – McFadden
You’re so predictable early but much less as the beers and cigarettes start flowing…we’re 35 minutes in so why not?
3.09 SchoolGirls – Santonio Holmes
Don’t believe the post-Super Bowl hype…just ask Deion Branch owners!
3.10 Ninja Mafia – Gates
Gotta have a #1 since the Heath Miller reach!
4.01 Ninja Mafia – Kevin Smith
Tremendous value if you like an RB who will NEVER get a single kicker…
4.02 SchoolGirls – DeSean Jackson
Nothing like reaching for the most overrated, 2 TD-man from 2008…yes, you read that right – Look it up!
4.03 DNice – Hines Ward
Poor mans Coles…not lovin’ the declining trend though.
4.04 PE – Joseph Addai
The only reason I had him fall to you is so nobody let’s this actually happen!
4.05 Brain – Bernard Berrian
You and the rest of ChiTown will fall for all the great press about MidWest talents while forgetting about some guy named Tavares…oughta trade this pick before draft night!
4.06 Flava – Cooley
Ah yes…Reggie Wayne’s brother from another mother…
4.07 Legend – Marshawn Lynch
You love taking guys on suspension earlier than anyone else…it’s like you don’t read a thing sometimes! Oh well, something tells me that a significantly heavier Lynch will not be a good thing for the already suspect speed…Better get Fred Jackson quick!
4.08 Juice – McNabb
Take me to the promise land, DMac! You love that offense but can’t trust BWB to get the percentage he’s used to so you go for the NFC East’s version of Drew Brees!
4.09 D&D – Winslow
Come to papa, K2! Please leave the motorcycle in the garage and try to develop some rapport with Byron Leftwich… Oh God, he’s really the starting QB? The odyssey continues in 09…
4.10 UCB – Ronnie Brown
Always been partial to dogs but I love Wildcats! Feels like a sell-high candidate week 4…
5.01 UCB – Beanie Wells
Since I’m letting go of Hightower a bit earlier than I let go of Cedric Benson – I decide to get a piece of that Cardinal offense in the form of a 235 lb. bruiser who possesses speed last seen in the shadow of Citizen’s Bank Park!
5.02 D&D – LJ
Stupid pick but your lookin’ for Jamal in the 5th production from ’07…keep looking!
5.03 Juice – Ocho Cinco
2009’s version of 2008’s Braylon.
5.04 Legend – Aaron Rogers
You oughta change your logo to the KoolAid pitcher because you can’t get enough! Obviously Moreno was a reach in round two but lucky for you – this season’s “It” QBs are bound to be here in this spot – Schaub or Rogers? You pick Rogers cause Juice had him last year and you always aspire…
5.05 Flava – Santana Moss
Why not? You love Jason Campbell, Colley, and the rest of those underperforming Skins! Welcome aboard to the stud wideout one week – benchwarmer the next 3! Just like Kevin Walters!!!
5.06 Brain – Anthony Gonzalez
Great pick but I have a sneaky suspicion positive press will drastically change this spot…
5.07 PE – Thomas Jones
Typical mid-round, aging RB pick with limited downside and tons of upside…think Jamal Lewis two years ago - classic!
5.08 DNice – Teddy Ginn
What better guy to grab than one of Chad Pennington’s targets? Unless it’s the other Chad…
5.09 SchoolGirls – Julius Jones
Opportunity “knocks” once again and like everytime before, JJ is sure to grind out 850 yards with 3 tuddies. Better “deadbolt” it next season, Drury!
5.10 Ninja Mafia – Coles
Too smart to pass up the value with Carson another year removed from injury and 85/Henry continuing their on again/off again performances…
