Mock Draft 1.0 - April 29th, 2011

We've only just begun, boys! Despite this being entirely possible and accurate given the pathetic keeper state of some of your rosters, the trade winds were blowing at Toilet Bowl Acres last night so expect the unexpected...infact, UCB already offered up his #1 and 2 solid keeps for a player that rhymes with "body" - any guesses? It's official: UCB is open for business!

1.01 UCB - Chris Johnson

What's not to love about drafting a stud who will be close enough to the pocket that even Jake Locker can accurately hit him in the flat?

1.02 Juice - Ray Rice

Although Willis leaving Baltimore is fantastic news for some, the local groupies still have to remain on high alert for last night's pick - Jimmy Smith. Class act.

1.03 Legend - Andre Johnson

Figures. The guy who loves to "talk about trades" snags the player most involved in trades. Consider AJ off the market...

1.04 SchoolGirls - LeSean McCoy

You know what you get from AP and let me tell you, it might be "all day" but certainly not "all December". Congrats on taking another step to the upper echelon with this pick, Michael!

1.05 Dumb and Dangerous - Calvin Johnson

You've seen the torment of having to roll Peterson regardless courtesy of your colleague down the hall. You're a smart guy, right? I would like to think smart enough to listen...and you do!

1.06 DNice - Michael Turner

A draft night failure in April has you sitting pretty regardless! Just another instance of United greatness...

1.07 Performance Enhancers - Adrian Peterson

Look who fell again...only this time, you decide to ride him all season long with MJD and FJax. Slow and steady wins the race and with a banged up MJD, high touch AP, and a 30 year old about to play second fiddle to CJ Spiller I would say PE is the odds on favorite!

1.08 Ninja Mafia - Greg Jennings

Care to dance? You've had enough of Reggie Wayne's shenanagins over the years but as we all have witnessed, the Ninja Squad is unlike most. Don't let Jermichael Finley's contract year or Jordy Nelson's rise to PPR greatness scare you - roll with ARod's #1 in 2010 (despite it being 2011)...

1.09 Brain - Reggie Wayne

"How can Reggie Wayne still be on the board????" Uh, because most of us understand he's good for 60 one week, and 7-11 the other 15. Funny feeling your true GM isn't going to like this pick...

1.10 Flava Savers - Steven Jackson

You were warned about the crapshoot but this turn requires impeccable marksmanship...even a Marine of your caliber might not be able to hit 1 out of 2. And based on this pick, you better make 11 count!

2.01 Flava Savers - Vincent Jackson

You do! This is smartest pick you might ever make by reaching a round earlier to get your guy in a contract year and dynamic offense.

2.02 Brain - Larry Fitzgerald

Reggie Wayne's second cousin?

2.03 - Ninja Mafia - Peyton Manning

Your keeping Stafford but history indicates you still need 5 more QBs on the roster and you know PE is looking to be reunited. You'll talk up Tommy B but by doing just alittle research, I suspect you'll see that kickers do make a difference in this decision.

2.04 Performance Enhancers - Tom Brady
Another year - another love lost. When are you gonna learn that the 7 spot is too early for Manning but too late at 14?

2.05 DNice - Ryan Matthews

While the back-half of round 1 can't recognize those guys fell for a reason, you seize upon their ignorance and snag a Sproles-less Matthews in sunny SD!

2.06 Dumb and Dangerous - DeSean Jackson

Reeling from DNice's pick, you scramble by going off the ESPN magazine top-200 list without considering the list was from 2010 - you know, before multiple concussions. Living up to your name, D&D!

2.07 SchoolGirls - Matt Forte

Underappreciated. Backyard. Trade bait after one of those blow-up weeks like when Juice sat him in week one last season. I love talking trade with you, SchoolGirls, but Forte will not entice me...keep that in mind when you're fishing for Nicks or Austin.

2.08 Legend - Mendenhall (Keeper)

You traded for Turner last season despite it costing your 4th so we know Mendenhall is locked and loaded. Plus, you can brag to you little sisters of the poor league about how you drafted him late in the 2nd...

2.09 Juice - Antonio Gates
You know the UCB mentality - get difference makers even if they appear to not fill a hole on the roster. You gotta love rolling AG along side VD! What sucker is going to get Gore, though? How about Brain's #9 pick? Gore looks like great value at the 9 spot and who cares about losing a 4th rounder too, right?

2.10 UCB - Wes Welker

Let's try this again, Wesley...Please tell me you've learned to make plays for yourself rather than depend on an aging, egomaniac WR. Wait! What if Ocho ends up in NE...win-win?

3.01 UCB - Dez Bryant

I love Tony Romo. Let's corner the market, shall we?

3.02 Juice - Jonathan Stewart

Feels like a vintage Juice pick. Young guy coming off a down season and oh by the way, no DWill in 2011. Could this finally be the year?

3.03 Legend - Jahvid Best

Let me guess - you watched this guy in college? Well, I didn't. I watched, or should I say searched, for this guy from week 3 on last year...

3.04 SchoolGirls - Santonio Holmes

Just the homerun hitter you're squad needs. Atlanta didn't pull a Mike Ditka on us to trade for a PPR guy...nope. They wanted a vertical threat because Roddy can't do it anymore and has evolved in a reliable PPR stud who isn't likely to find the endzone much in 2011. And before you mention Bowe, just know they reached for a tall, huge catch radius WR in the 1st last night. So long double digit mirages...

3.05 Dumb and Dangerous - Marshall (Keeper)
Do you think he would be here anyway? Afterall, isn't he like a slightly younger, yet more wounded, Houshmandzadeh? You know - 90+ for 965 and 5 TDs...Or put differently, like Cotchery and Coles circa 2006!

3.06 DNice - Matt Schaub

Reunited and feels so good! Isn't it funny how you always get mocked the same type of player...don't worry, MBIII is on your radar once we hit double digits!

3.07 Performance Enhancers - Anquan Boldin

Big name. Even bigger tease...But I'm sure he'll turn into Chris Chambers for you!

3.08 Ninja Mafia - Sidney Rice

Who cares who'll throw him the ball? And who cares he is coming off a debilitating hip condition?

3.09 Brain - DeAngelo Williams

You need an RB and can't believe this guy has fallen! Funny because this will quickly evolve from a laugher pick to the steal of the draft - hence, sitting on your bench when he blows up in week 4 and promptly traded for Johnny Knox and a bag of peanuts!

3.10 Flava Savers - Mike Williams (the skinny one)

Wow. Mike Williams. At this spot. Might be time for a Von Miller pick...

Draft Night - D&D Headquarters

With the shift to Thursday nights for the NFL Draft, we decided last year to move our site to the Conley's estate - better known as "Toilet Bowl Acres". Althought the great D&D name has only graced the TB Trophy once, we all know that seasons don't get much more predictably unsatisfying than Cotchery and his band of losers.

With the intro out of the way, let's get to the nuts and bolts of tomorrow night.

Where: Conley's house

When: 8:00

Who: Conley, Senuta, Vogel...anyone else interested (even you Fred - we'll even bust out the MMA gear for you and Juice)

What: Draw names with each official pick to determine where each FPT owner drafts in August.

Even to those who can't make it keep in mind that you need to be available in some fashion. I've heard from DNice, Fred, KJC, Senuta, Richard so far...make sure your contact info is up to date. Hate for anyone to miss out on choosing their slot because of a disconnect.

First Stop: Draft Slot!

Hey Skertich boys, time to wake up because your nightmare is about to start!

That's right my baseball loving slackers, it's time to focus on what's most important - the NFL Draft 2011. Why you ask...because with each selection by Commissioner Goodell, the FPT draws a name to determine which owner gets to pick where. In the past we've conducted this via text and phone so be available in some fashion starting at 8:00 this Thursday night. You will be contacted as soon as your name is drawn and will have approximately 10-15 minutes to make your selection. If you feel like you already know where you want to draft regardless of timing (ie. as early as possible, as late as possible, right after Brain since the talent slips...) it's on you to let someone know who can decide for you.

Reminders heading in - there are some usual keeps who force a tough decision this season so think it over first. Gore, Mendanhall, and Baby TO to name a few...this means you might be in the market to trade, decide to draft a bit earlier or later depending on how you project the keeps to play out, or might be confused at this point. I'm talking to you, Fred. And no, you can't keep guys drafted in the 5th round or earlier in 2010. While I'm at it, here's the keeper bumps for those who forget each season...

20+ and Free Agent pick-ups - 2 rounds before where the player was drafted in 2010 (FA count as 22nd rounder...)

15-19 - 3 round bump

10-14 - 4 round bump

6-9 - 5 round bump

So a 6th rounder in 2010 costs your 1st in 2011. Don't forget.

Lastly, like last year, we're keeping 4 offensive and 3 defensive players unless there's a strong push for adding either - if so, speak up!