Mock - May 21st

It's been awhile gentlemen, but now that projections are coming out the mindsets tend to change a bit. Hell, pretty soon Borders will be inundated with magazines and the public educators in the crowd will be freed from our chains and completely absorbed in PainTrain preparation...Nothing like 56 days of commitment!

1.01 - LT


Freddy has played too long to jump ship on a bonafide stud in an offense centered around one man. Yes, we've leaned towards AP in the past but how can you justify taking a second year, injury prone player with the #1 overall pick...isn't this the pick everybody wants but nobody relishes the sheer responsibility for?

1.02 - AP


Despite Steven Jackson seeming like the logical fit for Drury, he knows that Rams offensive line better than anyone so he'll pass and grab every Midwesterner's sexy pick - All Day. Historically speaking - how have #2s done in the history of the FPT?


2005 - Alexander (MONSTER YEAR) - Performance Enhancers
2006 - Alexander (injured) - SchoolGirls
2007 - Jackson (injured) - Brain

Hmmmm...

1.03 - Mr. Jackson

I'll take my chances on a bounce back from the only legit player left on an aging roster. Given my history - big let-down should be expected.

1.04 - Brady

You won't keep Garrard or Campbell because neither one gives you ANY chance for a QB kicker. But this guy does - book em!

1.05 - Reggie Wayne

Before you play conspiracy theories here, have a listen... Coming in with Frank Gore and Ryan Grant provides unique flexibility. Throw-in a probable run on WRs any moment now and what do you get - fewer stud WRs and sliding RBs in the 2nd... More importantly, ask yourself - Does J pride himself on following runs or starting them? Easy answer.

1.06 - Addai

Looky here - D&D just got the first unwarranted slide of the draft! A slide to the 6 spot isn't too significant but adding Dominic Rhodes in the offseason is...

1.07 - Westbrook

Big Dan goes back to the well for more - hopefully it's not dry!

1.08 - Moss

And you thought Brady might slip - Ha! And the first WR taken would be Randy - Rookie! No WR ever puts up top numbers in back-to-back years, son... But you lose sight of this while fighting back your man crush tears - damn you, Flava!

1.09 - Portis

Once again, Captain Value swoops in like Ricky B. taking sloppy seconds at XHale! You love Portis with his newly fat wallet and gimpy hip, don't you?

1.10 - LJ

Someone smells like Shaun Alexander...anybody else catch a whiff?

2.01 - TO

Despite your uncanny confidence in Roddy White, you know someone else has to take the field for your squad other than a worn out Hines Ward at the end of the 3rd. You love Romo. You love TO. And you love to trade away any talent you amass on draft night by September 15th! Nice pick - thanks!


2.02 - Manning

You think it. You know it. You must have it. Stud QB.

2.03 - Barber

New contract with more touches on top of back-to-back 10+ tuddies - Sounds like a great fit for a backfield with more promise than production.


2.04 - Braylon

Go Big Blue!

2.05 - Fitz

Julius Jones is a great value...in the 5th! But Fitz - high target, red-zone threat every week. Only an idiot could consider keeping Jones and passing on Fitz...do you fit the bill?

2.06 - Lynch

Look who slipped - Marshawn "3-down back" Lynch. Is it just me, or does this pick remind anyone of Westbrook sliding to 17th a couple years ago?

2.07 - Bush

Rick's never met a "Bush" he hasn't liked... anybody know where Reggie's from? Petersville, MD.

2.08 - McGahee

A justified slip with Rice coming in the picture or blind optimism since I suffer through their games every Sunday? In the end, probably right where he should go actually...

2.09 - Houshmizilly

Ocho Stinko's overhyped sidekick. "May 21st, 2008 - TJH will not get a single 8 catch kicker in 2008."

2.10 - Andre Johnson

Feels too much like your kinda pick to be honest... high-target, huge potential, coming off an awful injury in year two of a Matt Schaub offense.

3.01 - Steve Smith

You gave your fellow PainTrainers a scare a couple years ago with Mini Me's sick production but he now has a terminally wounded QB throwing him the ball with NOBODY behind him. Not to mention, the addition of Muhammad and Hackett will steal some of those poorly thrown balls...


3.02 - Holt

Long in tooth and short on time left in St. Louis...Better picks out there, my friend.

3.03 - Plaxico

This bastard burns me regardless - at least this way, I can simply bench his ass rather than suffer defeat at his hands! Safest pick on the board in my book!

3.04 - Ocho Cinco

Yeah - he may not show up to camp but if he plays, he will get drafted right about here because "sexy" is Rick's middle name...actually, that's pretty sick!

3.05 - Boldin

Boldin wants money. Boldin deserves money. Boldin's agent is Drew Rosenhaus. Why is this important? Because when his wideouts about money, they always get paid and always perform.

3.06 - Jamal

Time to dust off the vintage 2000 yard back jersey...hopefully he doesn't fade as quickly as the screenprinting!

3.07 - Maroney

Another head scratcher - nobody wants to take him but nobody wants to draft him either... In the end, can you really trust that Belichick will pound his opponent until the last whistle? Does a bear shit in the woods? Does Mike Shanahan play roulette with his running backs EVERY SINGLE YEAR?

3.08 - Roy Williams

OVER...RATED... Better off letting Brain grab him and taking Calvin Johnson later.

3.09 - Ronnie Brown

Bad knee - prick of a GM - pothead to split time with...high risk-high reward. It's what makes champions and losers. Too bad for you, you've about exhausted your "champions" opportunities.

3.10 - Gates

Somebody has to grab a TE in the 3rd - why not Brain!?